Nobody Desires Evil
by saoirsemaym
Summary: Derry Girls Fanfiction. Takes place after the prom episode. Erin x James, Erin x Clare Erin is coming to terms with a variety of different emotions surrounding the members of her group. where first loves are meant to be sweet and easy, she finds herself tied in knots, by the wee English fella and the wee lesbian.
1. Chapter 1

"Well I'm sure as fuck not getting my money back for these dresses," Michelle growled, "why the fuck does tomato juice have to stain, wit even is the point of tomatoes? Am gonny ruin Mae next time I see her!"

All but Orla scrubbed away at their dresses with toilet roll and hand soap, listening to the Macarena drift in from the gym hall. The fabric was all well and truly wrecked, as was the groups one-week streak of no meetings with Sister Michael.

"Am really enjoying watching Clare's knuckles turn white from scrubbing, so I am, but I'm gonny go get granda and see if we can catch the end of this song" Orla hopped off the bathroom counter and galloped out of the door, back into the main hall to fulfil the only reason she came to the prom.

"Right, pure long shot here but any chance you think your granda still carries that Swiss Army knife with him?" Michele questioned Erin with a menacing look in her eye. It was one of her 'lightbulb moments' which she only had after a drink, or four, and that absolutely nobody could talk her out of.

"No chance Michelle!" Clare quickly retorted, things had already escalated miles beyond what she was comfortable with.

"She got you in trouble too, ye know, Clare!"

"That doesn't mean you have to stab the girl!"

"Am no gonny stab her, just threaten her until the wee Donegal dickhead shites herself and learns her lesson!"

"Aw _aye_ Michele, _that_ will solve it, we're no gonny get in any more trouble than we already are!" Despite Clare's desperate attempt, sarcasm was not the way to handle Michele in times like these. The only answer was to leave her be, or to use brute force.

"Glad you see some sense Clare! Now does he carry the knife or what?"

Erin shrugged, knowing how relentless the brunette was and before anyone could try and stop her again Michele darted back into the main hall, dripping Heinz tomato soup as she went. Clare went to follow Michele in an anxious fit to try and stop her, but Erin grabbed hold of her arms before she could leave the bathroom.

"What do you think you're doing Erin, we've got to go out there and stop her!"

"Stop Michele? Catch yourself on Clare, she'll end up either stabbing us as well, or cacking herself like she did with big Mandy!"

"This whole night is an absolute disaster." Clare sighed and sank herself down onto the bathroom floor, shaking slightly as she went, most likely as a result not only of nerves, but also her soaked dress.

Tensions had been high the whole week. It started with Mae's arrival into the group, which sparked a feud with Erin and Clare which hardly had any time to truly resolve itself before they had all been 'Carrie'd.' Now Michele was about to get done for knife crime and the girls had ruined dresses, it was non-stop and it was starting to eat away at all of them.

"Look Clare, nobody's blaming you for all of this, it will blow over" Erin added with an attempted helpful tone. She sat down next to Clare, putting her hand on her shoulder rather patronisingly. She had a way of trying to be a good, honourable person, but completely sticking her foot in it and making things worse.

"W-why would they blame me?" Clare looked at Erin with a puzzled expression.

"Well, because Mae was _your_ date.."

"And how is it my fault that she's a bloody psycho?!" Clare's voice reached new highs as she searched for the logic in Erin's mind that made Clare responsible for Mae's actions.

"Well if you hadn't brought her shopping then none of this would have kicked off." Erin really believed herself to be a beacon of truth in this situation. What Clare saw as blame shifting, Erin saw as logical justification for the nights' events. The stress and the exhaustion were creeping up on their mental well being as the two girls found themselves pointlessly arguing.

"You wanted her to come just as much as I did, Erin!"

"Aye but you're the one who was up her arse all week and needed to find someone to take to prom!"

"I didn't _need_ to bring a date Erin, Mae just happened to ask!"

"Aye, after she found out you'd been stood up!"

"By you!" Clare growled.

"All I'm saying is, if you hadn't been so desperate and defined by whoever was taking you to prom, we wouldn't be here!"

"You're unreal Erin! Honestly, if anyone's desperate it's you, imagine taking James to prom, bloody James!"

Erin suddenly realised she had no quick comeback. Her argument was pulled from thin air, and Clare was right. It was a little desperate how quickly she had clung to James' arm. She could try and sound witty and pulled together, like she hadn't actually gushed when James showed up at her door, but at the end of the day, she knew she was being confronted with her truth.

"Well I'm sorry you're jealous, Clare!" The words just spilled out of her mouth, without really thinking. Not half an hour ago, Erin had been the one to apologise to Clare for being jealous over Mae, and now all of a sudden she was changing the narrative of her own story? Why was she so resentful towards Mae? Wasn't it all over anyway, surely the group wouldn't take her after the evening's events? So why was Erin picking a pointless fight with her already distressed best friend in the bathroom after their prom? She had no answers for herself, but before she could act reasonable, the damage had been done. For what was Erin Quinn if not hot headed?

Clare's face had contorted into a mix of confusion and disgust at what Erin was saying. She thought that they were back on good terms after their brief conversation earlier in the hall. Erin had apologised for being jealous, so what was there left to be arguing about? Sure, they were going to get into trouble on Monday but Erin had to know that this wasn't truly Clare's fault? Was she still jealous of Mae? Surely not.

"What the hell would _I_ have to be jealous about?" Clare retorted.

"I don't know Clare, maybe you like James?" Erin's logic had completely disintegrated.

"I think you're forgetting something important, Erin." Erin paused, taking a minute to remember Clare's obvious lesbianism.

"Ah hah! So, you're jealous that James took me to prom when you secretly wanted to!" She subconsciously wanted herself to stop talking. Where did that even come from?

Clare's face went chalk white. She felt her insides drop to the floor as a massive lump formed in her throat. Either Erin was onto something about Clare that she herself didn't even fully understand yet, or Erin had completely lost the plot, she didn't know what was worse. All she knew was that this was her limit.

"Once again, you're arrogance is staggering, Erin!" She felt exposed, almost dirty after Erin's accusation, but she couldn't understand why. She had done nothing to allude to her liking Erin, in fact she consciously avoided anything that may seem suspicious ever since she came out to avoid situations like this.

Clare maintained herself, not breaking eye contact with Erin. She was determined to prove herself this time, but she could feel her voice begin to crack, dead giveaway. To an extent, she could see through what the taller girl was saying to find the biggest reach of all time, yet she couldn't help the way her body involuntarily seized. She couldn't help her heart racing, nearly pounding out of her chest. She had only felt like this once before and that was when she uttered her biggest secret for the first time to Erin, or anyone for that matter.

Clare was struggling to comprehend why she was so affected by what Erin said or thought about her. Sure, she was a sensitive girl, but if Michele behaved the same as Erin, she wondered if she would still feel thing churning inside of her that keeps her up at night.

It would make sense, Erin had been her best friend since primary school. So, it was normal for your best friend to have such an impact on your life? Right?

Clare pulled herself together as much as possible, with tomato juice staining her blonde hair, and got up left the bathroom without another word.

Erin's brain had finally given her respite as she could think of nothing to say as the smaller girl up and left.

Shakily she got up off the floor and headed back to the sink where they were cleaning up. She took a look at herself in the mirror, watching herself tremble slightly, the same way Clare had been earlier that night. She looked herself dead in the eye and tried to find an answer as to what the hell just came over her. There was nothing.

There was a light knock on the bathroom door which surprised Erin, it was a public toilet why was someone knocking? It wasn't until she saw a mess of curly hair poke through the door frame that she realised it wasn't a girl, but James.

"I came to check if you're okay"


	2. Chapter 2

"I came to check if you're okay?" James peeked awkwardly through the tiny door opening. "I don't want to come in case Michele calls me a pervert."

"There's nobody else in here, just me." She replied, inviting him to join her.

James shut the door behind him and joined Erin by the sink, standing a little closer than she had expected him to.

"I just saw Clare, she looks pretty shaken up, like, more than usual, even for Clare." Erin's face dropped as she continued to mindlessly wipe her dress. James stood and studied her for a moment, she was pale normally but she now she looked like a ghost, perhaps even more lifeless than a ghost, if that were possible.

"Your mum worked wonders getting the pink out of our shirts, I'm sure she'll manage to get this out of your Easter dress!" James tried his best to ease Erin of whatever loomed over her so heavily, but to no avail. She avoided her eyes and remained silent, which, with Erin Quinn is serious cause for concern.

A few more minutes passed of silence between them. James didn't want to leave Erin alone while she was so upset, he questioned why Clare had left the bathroom while Erin was in this state, surely she'd be the most comfort to her? Erin hated being in trouble, yes, and he understood that the prom hadn't been what she was expecting, however he was struggling to understand why she wasn't just her usual, frantic, angry, crazy self. In the short time they had known each other, James knew that this wasn't the worst thing Erin had endured, so why now was she so shaken?

Erin's hands stopped scrubbing at her dress for a second, and she clenched the hem of her dress, to steady herself, as a few tears slipped from her shut eyes. James watched the moment unfold. For a second, he let her think he hadn't noticed to save her the embarrassment of crying in front of him. Erin didn't cry in front of anyone, but eventually he realised that her pride would have to take the back burner for once. He gently took the fabric from her clutch and put them to her side, giving her hand a slight squeeze of assurance as he did. She still refused to meet his gaze, so instead he wrapped her into a tight hug, with her head on his chest and his arms softly rubbing circles on her back. He felt the tiny jumps from stifled sobs as he held her, but he didn't say anything. Her arms hung limp for a while but eventually she accepted his support and pulled him closer as she regained her composure. She slightly squeezed him, as a thank you, before she pulled away.

Erin finally looked at James, the silence had felt like an eternity, but it had only been a few minutes, tops. The taller boy looked down at her, her puffy eyes looked exhausted. He offered her a half smile, knowing it was useless, but she actually mustered one in return. Without thinking, James moved a piece of hair that had fallen stay behind her ear.

It was much softer in real life than he had imagined.

Not that he had imagined it, or given it any thought at all.

"Lets get you home." Erin nodded at James suggestion. She needed out of that bloody bathroom as soon as possible.

"Do we _have_ to wait on everyone else before we go?" she asked, her eyes pleading with him. He looked at her questioningly, why wouldn't she want to walk with everyone?

He shook his head, "I think Michele's going to the pub to harass those two guys that ditched her-"

"Or she'll be in the back of a police car!" Erin butted in, forgetting James had missed the swiss army knife debacle.

"Yeah, or she'll already be in...w-wait what?" James, though confused, was not completely surprised by Erin's statement as Michele being arrested was plausible even on a good night.

"Know what, forget I asked." He said, shaking it off. He held the door open for Erin as they made their way out of the bathroom and towards the schools exit. "Orla will going home with your grandad, and I saw Clare leave already, so we could just leave now, if you want?"

"Clare already left?"

"Yeah, just as I came to find you!"

Erin nodded and returned her eye-line away from James' and to the floor. James was trying not to pry or upset the girl any further, but this was ridiculously out of character for Erin, she wasn't even this upset when Toto had 'died'.

They spent most of their walk home in silence, James picking leaves off of bushes and trying to figure out what had gotten into the blonde. The only thing he could imagine was the fact that she was stood up by John-Paul. Obviously she would be upset about that, but he could of sworn he saw her smile when he came to her door. Not as big a smile as she would have given John-Paul, but enough for her to still want to come to the prom.

Perhaps he was the issue, he thought. She must have been mortified having to spend the night with the most hated person in the school, after her mum rang him out of pity. His heart sank for her, of all the people in the world, James couldn't think of someone who deserved this less.

"I'm sorry I showed up at your door tonight and not John-Paul." James looked into the dark night ahead of him. They had decided to walk home as opposed to taking a taxi, which James hoped would give him time to either decipher what was wrong with Erin, or to just cheer her up a little.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just, I'm sorry about what happened tonight, he doesn't deserve you Erin.." He paused, stopped walking and turned to look at her. Her eyes glistened from the street lights, and he melted slightly. And then his brain began to function again "Not that I think_ I_ deserve you, I mean, just, what I'm saying is, you're really upset, and I'm sorry I'm not John-Paul." He shot her an awkward but sympathetic smile, offering as much comfort as he could.

"I don't want you to be John-Paul. I want you to be James. Well you are James, obviously, but I'm happy about that." She mustered as much of a smile as she could, and for a moment forgot about the nights turbulence.

Erin linked her arm with James' for the second time that evening and continued walking again.

James quietly smiled to himself. In all of his time in Derry, not one person had said anything good about him. But now Erin had, and it felt better than he had ever imagined. he only wished the situation itself had been better.

"Thanks for missing your Doctor Who night, I know how much you were looking forward to it."

"You didn't call it a creep convention!" The glee was pouring out of James and Erin couldn't help but giggle at how adorable it was.

"You're not a creep James, but don't tell Michele I said that!"

As much as he was dying to, James promised to keep Erin's confession a secret.

The pair had reached Erin's front door and neither knew what the etiquette was for the end of a non-date pity prom night. Erin was trying to buy as much time before she had to go back inside. Partly because she didn't want to deal with the sympathy from her mother, but mostly because she knew that when she went to her room she would be alone again. James wouldn't be there to comfort her or take her mind of Clare for a while. She felt so comfortable with him that in a way she almost wished he actually was gay so that her mother would let him sleep over. But that was the only reason she would ever wish that James liked boys, because surely gay guys don't take much pleasure in hugging girls the way James had in hugged her in the bathroom earlier, and by Christ she prayed that that wasn't the last time he ever would.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Erin asked. She stood on the step at the front of her door, putting her at eye level with James.

"Would you like to um, like, watch a film or something? Wait! We could watch Doctor Who if you want, if it's on! I feel really shite for making you miss it tonight!"

James face lit up. "That sounds great." Erin finally cracked her first smile in hours. "Please don't feel bad, Erin." He pulled her into a softer hug this time. They felt the cool air float between the gaps in between them. For a second the blonde felt him stroke her hair slightly, but he stopped before she could indulge. For the second time tonight, James had let his mind wander and he found himself touching her hair, but she never said a word.

"Goodnight Erin" James pulled away and gave her a small wave as he headed down the path and off home.

Erin smiled softly and waved back, bracing herself for a long, lonely night ahead.

She went inside and tried to sneak up the stairs before anyone could stop her to talk.

"Erin Quinn, what in good Christ happened to your Easter Frock?"


End file.
